Guy Can't Buy Pair of Pants

     Your intrepid reporter has managed to uncover a heretofore secret email exchange between Democratic National Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman and her Republican counterpart, Reince Priebus. Off the job, these two are casual friends, Deb and Ryns.

      Hey, Ryns:  What’s the deal with you Republicans all of a sudden wanting to limit free speech? Let Trump alone. Freedom to voice one’s opinions is sacred to this country. He can call me a tramp bimbo if he wants, as long as he keeps running his mouth. Deb

       Deb:  Oh, please! Your Party of the Pitiful is under the mistaken notion that if Trump keeps it up the GOP will crack and you can elect Hillary. Ryns                             

            Ryns: Hillary? If Trump’s mouth doesn’t wear out from pure exhaustion, we can elect Elmo. Deb

            Deb: I have noticed Democrats are delighted to see Republicans bad mouth Fox News. When CNN and the New York Times start praising the Fox crew, the world is tilting off its axis. An obvious attempt to divide our troops. Ryns

            Ryns: Megyn Kelly has to love your man. She became a legend with her opening salvo, rocking Trump back on his feet: “You called women you don’t like fat pigs, dogs, slobs and disgusting animals.” Trump’s face revealed his sudden understanding sane people realize he is a clown.  And Trump’s subsequent attack made Kelly a journalistic brand. It will up the ante $5 million when her Fox contract comes up for renewal. Deb

            Deb: First of all, please don’t call him “your man.” He is not my man. Whether Donald is going to be the Republican Party’s man depends on will of forward thinking American Republicans.  It is God’s way. It is our way. It is the Bill O’Reilly way. Ryns

            Ryns: You can’t be serious! Bill O’Who? Megyn Kelly did a major leapfrog over the O’Smug One. She’s got the edgy approach viewers seem to like without the insufferable ego. She’s the new face of Fox News. I admit that is not good news for us Democrats. We don’t need Fox stocking up on even more political punch. Deb

            Deb: Say what you want but you have to admit Donald Trump has introduced tough talk as a political campaign staple. No more beating around the Bush. (ha ha!) Ryns

            Ryns: Oh, yes, you must be proud. The guy is such an intellect and so very eloquent. I liked it when he called Charles Krauthammer a “rodeo clown” and “dope.” Another icon journalist, George Will, is simply a “goofy political pundit.” But the one I liked the best was his cutting remark aimed at the senior editor of the conservative National Review. Yes, he criticized Jonah Goldberg as a “guy that can’t buy a pair of pants.”

            How incisive. Guy who can’t buy a pair of pants! If Trump becomes President and blasts the Russian leader as a guy who can’t buy a pair of pants, Vladimir Putin is going to say, “Wow, this fellow means business. We better get our butts out of eastern Ukraine.” Deb

            Deb: Debbie, sorry to end this delightful conversation, but I have a President to elect. Ryns

            Ryns: Good luck with that. I am sure you can count on the woman vote. Deb

            (Personal note to Donald Trump. My name is Ned Cantwell. Don’t you DARE blast me in public! That’s Cantwell, N E D  C A N T W E L L, and you just better not use it!)