Silly Socks a Sorry State

 

“Oh Oh” is when your cell phone goes bing bing and it turns out to be your friend Barney from New Jersey.

You know Barney. He thinks his New Jersey is a shining example of advanced civilization and economic excellence. Forget the fact his marquee tourist attraction, Atlantic City, is nearing bankruptcy.

Certainly our Land of Enchantment is not without its revenue problems, but Santa Fe isn’t in fear of going belly up.

Even though Barney calls me a two-bit columnist in a four-bit state, I tend to like the guy. He is kind of like his hero Donald Trump, rather entertaining but a total idiot.

“Hey, Barney!” I said.

Uncontrolled laughter. “I’m sorry,” he finally chortled, “socks? Your legislature gathers to hear your governor give the State of the State address and 20 of your state lawmakers wear funny looking socks to ridicule her?”

Barney was referring to the silly green socks decorated with pizza and coke.

“So a guy sends me this video he saw on TV,” Barney chortles, “and the TV reporter corners one of your top honchos, that Senate Majority Leader fellow, Michael Sanchez and they have a heated argument  about – are you ready for this? -- SOCKS!”

Barney paused, I suspect for a vodka refill, before wondering if we elect our legislators straight out of high school.

“Hold on, Barney,” I said. “What that was all about is over the holidays our governor, Susana Martinez, went to a party and…”

He cut me off. “Oh, I know all that stuff. Your governor got buzzed and made a fool of herself and when the hotel tried to evict her friends she pulled that stupid do-you-know-who-I-am routine. She’s toast with the national Republican party.”

“Now wait a minute, Barney,” I cautioned. “We don’t know she was buzzed. Yes, there was talk among hotel staff and police that Mrs. Martinez was inebriated, but there were no charges or anything official at all, so let’s just cut her some slack on this one, okay? I think you may have a point about the toast, however.”

I explained to Barney the most puzzling aspect of the Pizza Mama incident was her reaction to the charge that someone had been throwing either beer bottles or snowballs off a fourth floor balcony. I said the Albuquerque Journal reported her press guy as stating:

 “The Governor does not believe throwing snowballs off a 4th floor balcony is somehow less serious than throwing a bottle. Either behavior is dangerous and entirely unacceptable.”

“Yeah, sure,” Barney said, “the guy who gets hit in the head would sure know the difference. Maybe your legislature should roll those silly socks into a bundle and throw them off the roof of the Roundhouse, and along with that, toss any possibility of getting anything done if they are going to act like junior high kids at their first dance.”

Both of us were getting a little miffed at this point. “So, are the Democrats and Republicans going to be able to compromise on this driver’s license deal?” he wondered.

I told him we citizens were certainly counting on our leaders to settle this important issue.

“I know what!” he said, “maybe they could stage a big food fight, smashing chocolate pies into one another’s face, and whoever wins gets to pass their own version of a driver’s license. Boy that state of yours…”

I hung up.